What I've learned as a #girlmom over the last 18 years

It goes by fast, mamas!

Here’s what I’ve learned as a #girlmom over the last 18 years:

• never underestimate her ⭐️

• she is watching everything you do; don’t stress if she sometimes sees the bad and not just the good - she’s learning from it all and she needs to know you’re not perfect (no one needs that pressure, mama 🤷🏼‍♀️)

• she will borrow your clothes, even if she says she doesn’t like your style 

• teach her how to think for herself so that when she finally meets the love of her life and settles down, she’s strong in who she is and confident in her own voice 👊🏻👊🏾 in the relationship 

• go on adventures with her

• love her unconditionally, even when she rolls her eyes at you or judges how many glasses of🍷 you’ve had 😂

• she’ll always be your baby, even when she’s stronger and smarter than you 

• tell her you’re proud of her and tell her you love her every day, even when neither of you have acted very loveable 🥰

• give her wings and let her flyyyy

The Power Of Laughter

I realized what was bothering me while I was walking the dog in the rain in the dark. Certainly, that might be enough to bum me out, but it being warm enough in January in Chicago is usually great, if you’re wearing the right kind of shoes. (I was not wearing the right kind of shoes.) Someone called about a doctor’s bill in the middle of the day and my son has still not learned the fine art of putting down the toilet lid. Mild annoyances, but not enough for my current dark mood. 

And then it struck me. I’m not laughing enough. In life before COVID, I would trade funny stories with clients before getting down to business, listen in on the outrageous antics of middle-schoolers at pick up, and howl at the ridiculousness of our collective children’s behavior at Friends of the School committee meetings. 

Now, that’s all gone. Clients, under pressure to perform and suffering from Zoom fatigue, want to get right to business. Local schools are closed so there’s nobody to see in the hallways or on the playground. The middle-school students hide their faces on-screen and communicate via social media, sometimes through pictures and words that disappear shortly after they’re sent.

Doctors tell us that laughter can physically reduce the effects of stress.  It stimulates circulation, encourages muscle relaxation, and increases endorphins, all of which leaves you feeling relaxed and happy. In the long-term, laughter can relieve pain and boost your immune system. 

If you’re feeling stressed and can’t find reasons to laugh, read on for 5 things that could get you giggling.

1.    Looking for some wholesome laughs? Watch classic TV. The chocolate factory scene from I Love Lucy or the wig scene from Dick Van Dyke always promote laughter. Though funerals aren’t usually a time for laughter, this episode of Mary Tyler Moore is often listed among TV’s funniest!

2.    Start a pillow fight. If your kids are still young, walk into their room and start hitting them gently with pillows. Make sure to bring extra “ammo” from around the house. The ensuing battle should burn some energy and leave you gasping for breath between giggles.

3.    Plan a Zoom or Google Hangouts gabfest with a group of friends. The women in my neighborhood, who met more than fifty years ago at a PTA meeting, still talk once a month! Grab a cup of coffee (or something stronger), and your favorite snack and settle in with your high school girlfriends or the women who kept you laughing during your first job.

4.    Stream a movie that had you rolling in the aisles as a teenager—you can even invite your kids. Either it will still be funny, or you’ll laugh at the costumes and effects.

5.    Listen to a parenting podcast. Of course you’ll find ones about discipline and breastfeeding, but there are also some lighthearted ones. Head to Spotify, Google Play Music, or Apple Podcasts and search motherhood. You can also head to BLOOM mom tribe’s very own podcast, Mama’s Gotta Bloom!

Wishing you laughter as this New Year continues - Toby

5 New Holiday Traditions For Your Family

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! 

Or is it? We could also call it the most stressful time of the year or even the costliest time of year, too, right? But….let’s just go with the holiday feels and call this 2020 Christmas season the most wonderful time of the year!

Whether you’ve had Covid, had to quarantine (basically all of us), know someone who had Covid or sadly, lost loved ones to this pandemic, we all know that December is a month to feel thankful and grateful for what we do have. The holidays are a reminder of hope, of happy times, of shared history and of loving each other and those around us, especially those who need that love more than ever. It’s also a time for tradition – those meaningful moments that families share that will be remembered for years, even in the wake of the Corona Virus.

I’m sharing 5 family traditions that are sure to put some jolly in your step and make you forget about pandemics and presents for just a little while. Hope you enjoy this list - let me know which ones you try! 

1.   Have A Sugar Cookie Bake-off

Don’t obsess over whether you should make the dough from scratch or buy a chilled Pillsbury package ready to roll out, just grab what you need to make some yummy sugar cookies. Pick out frosting in a few different colors, festive sprinkles and a couple cute holiday cookie cutters and set aside 30 minutes for the whole family to decorate together. Kids will have so much fun taste-testing their cookies (because duh, that’s the best part) and sharing this activity with the entire family. Thirty minutes of uninterrupted family time is priceless, mama! Bonus – now you have cookies ready to set out for Santa! 

2.  Help The Homeless

If you haven’t done this before, wait until you feel how full your heart is afterward. I promise you that taking care of others, especially when you’re doing so with your family, is one of the best holiday memories you can give your kids. Sit down together and take a poll to see how your family would like to help the homeless. Here are a few ideas from my family to get you started:

-      Hop in the car (don’t forget to put on your reindeer headband or Santa hat if you have one) and head to the local coffeeshop drive-thru. Order as many hot chocolates as each person can hold (4 cups per cardboard carrier is standard). Next, lock your doors (safety first, always) and then drive to the areas of your town where there are people living on the street. When you find someone to give a hot chocolate to, make sure to ASK them if they’d like one before handing it to them. Then give it to them with a smile and a “Merry Christmas”! Turn on the holiday music channel in your car to get your Christmas spirit going!

-      Assemble lunches to hand out: sandwiches, jerky, chips, bottles of water (6 for $1 at The Dollar Store), gum, holiday Hershey’s kisses. Before putting the lunch in the bag, have everyone draw a holiday picture or write a cheery note on the outside of the bag. I always buy white lunch bags just for this reason. When you go to deliver the lunches, remember doors locked and ASK if they’d like a lunch before handing it to them. We always ask if they have a friend who might need one, too. You never know who’s asleep under the tree around the corner who could really use a nice lunch surprise. 

-      Back to the Dollar Store: we buy mittens and hats for our homeless and put them in a baggy with a little note attached. Sweeten the gift with some handwarmers if you have them handy. Our winters here in the PNW can be downright brutal with freezing temps and snow and I always have an extra hat and gloves in my glove box to give if I see someone standing at a stoplight looking cold and distressed. If you’re in a milder climate, you might offer them socks (for when it’s cold at night).

3.  Give Love Back To The Elderly

I’ve read over and over recently how hard this pandemic has been on people living in retirement and nursing homes. Call ahead to one local to you and ask what you can do to help these lonely elderly folks. Maybe it’s writing a festive holiday card or wrapping a new pair of socks or making an ornament with their name on it. 

4.  Christmas Lights and Jammy Nights 

This is a tried and true tradition that many of you have either done as a child or as a parent but let’s make it a tradition every year. Choose one night, have the whole family put on their flannel jammies (okay, dad – you can wear sweats since you’re driving!) and make cocoa at home. Fill up everyone’s cup, don’t forget a lid, and head out to look at the Christmas lights around town. You might even find that some ambitious homeowners have gone so far as to have music playing along with their light show, like here in Spokane.

5.   Have a Christmas Movie Night

Complete the evening with matching pjs if you can find them, popcorn and licorice ropes. Set up a fun and festive spot where you can lay out several large blankets and big pillows. Better yet, bring some mattresses to the floor so everyone can get really comfy and then turn on your favorite holiday movie. Start a list of the ones you watch and have each family member rate them – keep the list and add to it every year. This is a fun tradition that will grow with the family! 

3rd Annual GIFTAPALOOZA Gift Guide

December is here and this is your friendly reminder that even though you have a MILLION and one things to do in the next few weeks, it’s important to take care of YOU, too! To help you do just that, I’ve partnered with a few of my favorite people and brands to make holiday shopping easier with awesome gift ideas that can be given (or kept for yourself) - check out this gift guide:

AND - we are giving away a HUGE bundle of gifts from all these brands worth $750, so be sure to enter on Instagram here by 12/10/2020 at 4 pm PST.

Holiday Disasters

The holidays are coming and you’re feeling the pressure. Even if you don’t stalk Pinterest for projects that can turn empty toilet paper rolls and pinecones into elegant décor (with a little help from a glue gun), it’s hard to miss the aspirational cooking segments on the morning news or the perfect table settings on the magazine covers in the grocery store checkout. You want to give your family the perfect, Hallmark movie holiday experience.  But life is full, especially for moms, and you likely don’t have time to learn applique or sew individual sequins onto placemats. 

This is the point where another author might tell you cheerily how even a novice can achieve the look with a few simple tricks. Not this author. I’m here to tell you to stop trying so hard. Or, since most winter holidays incorporate themes of light: lighten up!

Here’s why. Though it’s nice to see your children dressed in matching outfits, and it’s lovely to look at each place setting with gleaming stemware and four types of spoons, it’s only important in a Miss Manners kind of way. You likely want your children to know how to dress themselves for special occasions and which fork they should reserve for dessert, but soon enough hair will be mussed and gravy spilled. In the end, the pressed napkins don’t matter very much.  

When I was a girl, we used a Hanukkah menorah that one of my siblings made at preschool. Presents were distributed beside the glow of the candles.  It was a perfect family picture until the heat seeped through whatever material was used and began to burn the coffee table. With much excitement the fire was doused. My parents put a huge decorative plate over the burn mark and we never used that menorah again. 

As a teenager, I became a vegetarian. This usually meant that, at Christmas dinner at my uncle’s house, I would have to eat a lot of cheese and crackers before we went to the table and a lot of rolls and mashed potatoes once seated to be full. One Christmas, my uncle decided that, instead of a main course and sides, he would make stew. The potatoes and the ten-ounce bag of peas were covered in gravy. The only thing I could eat was Jell-O, which I loathe, and only with the willful forgetfulness that allowed me to overlook that the gelling agent was once an animal hoof . But I was hungry, so I dug in.  The mold was a take on Waldorf salad so there were grapes and apples and walnuts (odd in Jell-O) and celery (ever odder). I stopped chewing when I got to the onions. 

In case you want to try your hand at jello salad, here are 25 recipes!

I don’t remember the presents, though I am sure there were socks, books and school supplies; these were essential to my parents’ gift giving then. (My mother still likes to give socks today.) I don’t remember any of the other meals that my uncle cooked though he put a great deal of thought and time into his endeavors in the kitchen. 

I do remember the disasters. I remember how careful we were to use aluminum on the table each year until my parents replaced it. I remember the sidelong glances at my sister as I realized that someone had put ONION in the Jell-O mold; it still gets a mention from time to time. 

Relax, mama. Your family doesn’t need place card holders made from walnut shells. And no matter how long you slave to make vichyssoise, most children don’t find cold potato soup celebratory. If the hot cocoa bombs work out well, everyone will be pleased and if they bomb (see what I did there?), you’ll have a story to remember together for years to come.  And the light of love and laughter will fill the room.

The Reemergence of Erin - Part #4 | Is It Real or Is It Fake?

One of my family’s biggest traditions was bundling ourselves up on a December morning and driving to the Christmas tree farm in order to wander around for an hour to find the “perfect tree”. We’d examine it from all sides, looking for bare spots and checking for loose needles. There’d be those moments when we’d find the symmetrically-shaped, well-watered, just-the-right-height diamond in the rough. One of the three of us would announce, “This one!” only to then find some other family’s hidden tag on it. 

Back to the hunt.

“Not a blue spruce this year,” my father would complain. “Those needles… so prickly!”

“What do you care?” my mother would counter. “You’re not the one who takes the ornaments DOWN! That’s when the needles are the prickliest! Besides, those are the only ones that hold the heavy ornaments.”

Inevitably we would find a decent-looking blue spruce, find the guy with the saw, and tie the thing onto our car. We would decorate it that night, going through all the old ornaments and saving Nana’s for last - a small blueish-grey ball that we would hang near the top. Eventually, we had two trees: one for the more contemporary ornaments that we had and the other for the more rustic ones we eventually began to acquire. The third tree that came into existence was a smaller one for my ornaments. It lived on the second floor in our massive upstairs landing.

Some of the ones in the “me” box

These ornaments, the ones from the small tree, followed me into my own apartment. Even once I entered into a long-term relationship, the one prior to my marriage, we observed the same “tree-hunting” tradition. We would change the tree farm from time-to-time, once or twice going to one owned by a friend, another time going to one that everyone said always had “the best trees!... “they last until Valentine’s Day!” (that particular tree had needles falling off by Christmas Eve). One year, we made our own ornaments, and into the decoration box they went come January.

That relationship ended and I moved in with a girlfriend. That year, we got a tree from the Boy Scouts. It wouldn’t fit into the stand, so our landlord, Don, came to the rescue with a saw on that rainy winter night. We put up the tree, decorated it, and finished the night with wine and “Elf’.

That was the Christmas I met my husband. 

And that was the last year of a real Christmas tree.

He’s allergic.

So that first Christmas of being together… not engaged yet… we got up the morning after Thanksgiving, logged on to HomeDepot.com and got a 7-foot, pre-lit artificial tree. When it arrived and we unpacked it, we had to fluff the branches so that it didn’t look bare and sparse. We grabbed my box of ornaments, I described to him when I got each one or what each meant, and we hung it on the tree. That year, he got me four more ornaments for the tree. When we packed everything up in January, including the tree… weird!!!!... those ornaments went into the box as well.

There are two boxes in my attic now. There’s obviously my original ones. His childhood ornaments found their way from his parents’ home to ours at some point. Most have his name on them. And then there are the ones we acquired together. One has our picture in it from when we went on a hot air balloon ride. There are three or four from the year we got married, including a giant Lennox one that would have definitely  required a blue spruce tree to make it through the holiday season without collapse. There’s a snowman chef one from the year he cooked for us nearly every night while I attended grad school 90-minutes away. There’s the Winnie the Pooh one we got the year Juliana was born. There are dozens more.

In my attic, waiting for this Christmas.

J’s second Christmas and our first time hosting “friends Christmas”

I joked with my soon-to-be-ex husband that I suppose I can get a live tree this year.  

But what do I do with all those ornaments? All those relics of “us”? 

Sure, we are friends and spend a few nights a week hanging out with each other watching TV after the girls go to bed and prior to him retreating to his own place. We did the family costume thing for Halloween (J was Ariel, Z was Sebastian, Daddy was King Triton, and I was Ursula. The Santa Train tickets have been booked. We are purchasing the girls’ gifts together for Christmas, and he’ll be here when they wake up that morning. 

Santa has come!

But then we’ll divide for the day… them with him and his family for the “rip and tear” (his Dad’s words) that morning, then nap here at home [yes, my 5 ½ year old still naps for 2 hours on weekends… jealous?... ;) ], then my parents’ home for the afternoon and evening. 

Which brings me back to the ornaments. I mean, he’ll obviously get the fake tree. But how do we divide the ornaments that were ours. The marriage ones are one thing, but the train one that we got for Juliana the first year of the Santa train, or the light up Ariel one from last year when she asked Santa for it at the last freaking minute (CVS for the win!!!). Dividing the day is one thing, because there have been times when that’s happened before. But the tangible, viewable, everyday reminders… either hanging from the tree or conspicuously absent from it.

The tree might as well be bare…