It’s 8:30pm on a Wednesday night and I am roaming around the house telling the boys
“All done playing games. It’s time for bed!” for what feels like the tenth time in about ten
minutes. School started a couple of weeks ago and we are all still adjusting to life on a routine
again. We are trying to find a balance between work, school, home, and play and so far it has
been going okay - not too bad, but not great either. This is the first time in my 7 years of being a
parent when I am splitting my corporate job hours between home and in the office. This change
throws a wrench into life as we knew it.
Last year and the year before, while Brady was in 1st grade and Kindergarten, I was
able to establish a weekly routine that included morning, after-school, and evenings. Each day
had a to-do list and I knew what to expect. But it now feels so foreign, like it was a lifetime ago,
not just 4 months ago.
I settle into bed with the boys and my mind starts racing. I’ve got laundry in the washer
that needs to be moved to the dryer; dishes from dinner are in the sink and need to be washed;
lunch for tomorrow needs to be packed. It’s like the internet browser going on in my brain with
dozens of tabs open and each one is buffering. I’m struggling and feeling like I am falling
behind, when our oldest interrupts my thoughts and says “I love you mommy”. My sweet
sunshine’s voice brought me back to this moment and I am reminded that even in moments of
stress, there is beauty to be found.
I realize that I am stressing out because we are in a season of transition and our night-
time routine has been lacking. It is easy for us to follow a routine in the morning, thanks in large
part to two young boys who are early birds. But evenings are a different story. From the time
Nick gets home to the time the boys and I lay down for bed, there is a total of 4.5 hours and
some days have quite a few things to fit in. I am a recovering perfectionist and I am learning that
on the days when we have a few more things to do, the best thing to do is just “go with the flow”.
Routine, according to dictionary.com is defined as “commonplace tasks, chores, or
duties as must be done regularly or at specified intervals; typical or everyday activity”. I recently
asked a poll to my social media community if routines were either: a) rules to be followed or b) a guide-line to offer advice. Majority of the mothers commented saying that for their families
routines are a little bit of both. Routines are great to establish structure, and kids need structure,
but at the same time, flexibility is a necessity to survive and thrive in everyday life. Some of the
mothers who answered said that routines are a must in their home and that their children are
just as much of a stickler for the routine as they are. Other moms said that routines are
guidelines and that they don’t really have rules to be followed at this time. No matter what
routines look like for you and your family, as long as you are providing a safe and nurturing
environment for your kids, you are doing great!
For our family routines have been a mix of both and I am learning to accept that where
we are today is not where we were this time last year, or even 6 months ago. Even between
both of our boys routines mean something different. Brady needs his morning routine Monday -
Friday to set himself up for a positive day at school. He wakes up and watches a podcast for
kids, eats breakfast, and then has a little bit of time to play on his ipad. He knows that we leave
the house by 8:10 every morning which means that he must have his teeth brushed, shoes on,
and put the dogs in the room before we can leave. Mornings for Isaiah tend to be a free for all,
with lots of play time. I guess it makes sense though because of their age gap, 4.5 years. When
I was working the office full-time, Isaiah easily napped for 2 - 3 hours after lunch, but this
summer he showed his strong will and decided to rebel against naps. Routines in the afternoon
again are a free for all for Isaiah. Evenings tend to be a hit or miss depending on what after-
school activities Brady has - sports or school related. Regardless of what we have going on, one thing I try to stick to is a healthy and realistic bedtime.
Trying to balance it all while sticking to some sort of family routine can be exhausting -
emotionally and physically. To find beauty in the routine it is important to establish priorities.
Understand what things are most important and do your best to make sure those get done. We
are human, we are not wonder woman, not everything will be done in a single day, and that is
okay! Hang in there mama, lean into your family and support network. Don’t be afraid to get out
of the house and shake things up too. Routine and monotony can lead to boredom and burnout.
Burnout in motherhood is a real thing. Burnout in motherhood is not a fun thing. You can make a
night out with your girlfriends a monthly routine - this way it is something on your calendar that
occurs on a regular basis, but it also gives you something to look forward to.