My son is not a schedule kind of kid. Being honest, he’s a not fully in touch with the space/time continuum kind of kid. He’ll look up from a project he’s working on and ask for lunch when it’s far closer to dinnertime. I’ve renamed his first meal of the day blunch, it’s like brunch without the flair.
No real schedule—aside from a very relaxed bedtime and a twice a week job taking a neighbor’s kids to the park—has been fine for summer. But with fall around the corner (How did that happen?), we both need at least a taste of routine. So I made a chart.
Before you roll your eyes or click over to another post because you can’t read the advice of one more mom telling you how a chart changed her life, give me a minute to explain. First, this chart didn’t change my life; it gave my son a few ideas of things to do every day. He complained a little less and I nagged a little less.
We’ve been through a lot of charts together—potty charts, behavior charts, homework charts—and not all of them worked for us. As a matter of fact, most of them didn’t. I know I said “chart,” and that’s what mine looks like. It’s really just a list of activities. If your children glaze over at the sight of a bunch of beautifully symmetrical squares just waiting for check marks, this idea can be presented in many different ways.
Here’s the basic idea: I pick 15-18 activities for him to do each week. He has to do five every day and do each of them at least once a week. The majority are things my son likes to do or might do anyway on any given day — like walk the dog, ride his bike, cook, or do something creative (and yes, games like Minecraft count). I add a few things that I think he should do, like read or help around the house, and a few related to self-care like taking a relaxing bath or talking on the phone with friends.
And it’s working. Why?
First because it’s easy for him to be successful; he was going to walk the dog anyway and now it counts!
Second, he doesn’t have to do the things he doesn’t like to do very often. I’m not going to get him to like reading by forcing him to do it every day; we learned that from our experience with the second-grade reading log.
Third: Self-care! How often do we ask our children to do things that will add to their physical and emotional well-being outside of general hygiene?
Last, it makes him feel more independent. And with him asking what he can do to alleviate boredom less frequently, I get a break too.
Cooking 101?
Maybe he’ll get creative with “blunch”
I get that all of this may have to change when school starts as math is non-negotiable no matter how loudly you complain about it — and complain he will. But it’s working fine for now.
Oh, and there’s a bonus. He asked if he could make me a chart as well. Knowing that I also had assigned tasks made it more appealing for him to do what I asked him to do. And although he insisted that I do things like clear the sink of dishes before bedtime (ugh!) and pick-up all the bits and pieces the dog steals from the bedroom garbage cans, he also included things like “find time to exercise” or “take a walk with a friend.” Not only am I able to carve out a little more time to bloom, but showing my son that I understood who he was and what he might need, gave him the opportunity to think about who I was and what I might need, past being the person who folds the laundry and serves the food.
Try it. Worst case? It doesn’t work. That’s probably happened a hundred times before. Either way, let me know how it goes.